I Wasn’t Ready for This (But I’m Showing Up Anyway)

For a long time, I felt like I had to disappear to survive.

When I quietly stepped away from YouTube the first time, it wasn’t planned. I didn’t leave with a strategy or a cute sign-off. I left because I was tired.

Mentally, emotionally, and physically. I hit a wall, and this time, it wasn’t one I could hustle my way around.

At the time, I didn’t have the words to describe what I was experiencing. I just knew something felt off. My routines were breaking down. My creativity was gone. I couldn’t manage my finances, my emotions, or my goals. I was stuck in a cycle of burnout and avoidance that felt impossible to escape.

Eventually, I was diagnosed with bipolar 1. As painful and confusing as that was, it gave me a starting point. It helped me name what I was going through instead of assuming I was failing at life.

That was the moment I realized I didn’t just need rest. I needed a reset.

I Haven’t Just Been Resting. I’ve Been Rebuilding.

Since stepping away, I’ve been doing the quiet work of rebuilding. Not just my content. My actual life.

I started asking better questions.
What do I really want?
What pace feels sustainable for me?
What would it look like to build a life that doesn’t depend on perfection?

I started paying attention to how I spend, how I speak to myself, and how I show up. I let go of what no longer fit. I gave myself permission to start again, even though I didn’t feel ready.

Because if I waited until I felt fully ready, I would never begin.

What to Expect from Me Now

I’m not coming back with perfect systems or all the answers. But I am coming back with clarity, self-trust, and a clear mission:

To help women reset their finances, wellness, and purpose one meaningful step at a time.

This space and YouTube are for the women who are starting over, not because they failed, but because they want something more honest.

Here’s what you’ll find in my content:

• Conversations about money that include mindset, habits, and hope

• Wellness support that goes deeper than just what’s on your plate

• Business guidance for women creating something of their own

• Encouragement for anyone who feels behind, stuck, or unsure

Free Tools to Support Your Reset

If you’re looking for a fresh start, here are some resources I created to help:

• Affirmation Guide: Speak truth over your mindset, money, and purpose with affirmations and guided prompts.

• Eat More Plants: A Beginner’s Guide: A gentle way to begin eating more plant-based meals without pressure.

• Start Your Business for $50 or Less: A guide for women with big ideas and small budgets.

• Money, Mood, and Avoidance: A mini-guide to help you shift your emotional spending patterns and take your power back.

The Truth About Starting Over at 43

I am 43 years old. I have no savings, and I’m $20,000 in debt. I am still figuring it out.

But this time, I am not trying to prove anything. I am not chasing hustle.

I am building a life that feels like mine.

If you are tired of living on autopilot…
If you’ve been quiet about your struggles…
If you’ve been waiting to feel ready before you take a step forward…

This is your permission to stop waiting.

Start with what you have. Start with who you are.

Coming Back to YouTube (Even Though It Scares Me)

“I’ve got a seed in the ground, I’ve got a seed in the ground.”

— It's Working - William Murphy

There’s something about YouTube that still gives me a sense of unease.

I started blogging at the beginning of 2011.

A few months later, my cousin suggested I start a YouTube channel because she liked the food I was making.

That was mid-2011. I created the account and then let it sit for a while because I was scared to take that next step.

Eventually, I started posting. Over time, I recorded more than 100 videos, partnered with various brands, and built a platform that generated revenue.

The truth is, the money wasn’t consistent enough. My ex-husband paid most of the bills during that time. I used the money I earned to cover expenses such as groceries and clothes for the kids.

From the outside, it looked seamless.
Behind the scenes, I was overwhelmed and burnt out.

And eventually, I stepped away for several years.

The Comeback

Earlier this year, I gave YouTube another try. I posted a couple of videos and felt excited to be back. But life hit hard. Managing my mood disorder and caring for my oldest son during a difficult time pulled more energy from me than I expected.

I found myself right back in survival mode.

Since coming back online over the last few months, I’ve felt more at home in writing. Blog posts, email newsletters, and journaling have become easier to navigate as I work through some significant emotional and financial adjustments.

However, if I want to grow the kind of business that supports my life financially, creatively, and with purpose, YouTube still matters.

Not for vanity metrics.
Not to go viral.
But to connect.
To share in a way that lands.
To build something that doesn't rely on social media trends or burnout cycles.

So here I am.
Coming back, ready or not, on May 25th.

And this time, I’m keeping it simple.
I’m going back to what worked in the beginning by sharing my real life as I live it.

I’ll take you with me as I pay off debt, rebuild my business, and step into the woman I was always meant to be. This isn’t about performing or proving anything.

It’s about documenting the truth of what it looks like to start over with clarity, care, and consistency.

I’m doing it differently this time.

I’m not chasing perfection or trying to make up for lost time. I’m showing up as the woman I am today. I’m 43, rebuilding, and staying grounded in what matters most.

I’ve already filmed my return video, and I’m planning several weeks of content.

I’m using real systems this time, including shot lists and intentional scheduling, to support my energy instead of working against it.

Because here’s what I know now:

Being inconsistent didn’t mean I was lazy.
It meant I needed a better system and more support.

So, if YouTube feels scary for you, too, and you’ve been holding back because you don’t feel ready?
I see you.

You don’t have to be fearless to begin.
You just have to begin.

See you on YouTube this Sunday.
New video. Focused energy. Same me. Here’s my channel

7 Shifts That Helped Me Reduce Stress and Graduate at 40+ (Even When Life Was a Lot)

“I’m doing the best I can today.”

In January 2024, I returned to college after more than a decade away.

I was working full-time, helping my grown kids navigate life, and somehow decided to take four classes per semester. Four.

Who does this? Me. I’m someone who makes a decision and goes all in—even when it doesn’t make a bit of sense.

But burnout and disappointment? They come fast.

Thankfully, I found some tools along the way that helped me process my emotions, lower my stress, and finish strong — diploma in hand by December.

December 2024

So, if you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, I want to share seven real-life shifts that helped me beat stress and stay grounded — even when life was a lot.

1. Affirmations that ground me

I started speaking life over myself again. Even when I didn’t believe it, I’d say: “I’m doing the best I can today.” Those simple words reminded me that I didn’t have to be perfect — just present.

2. Almost daily walks after work

Even for 10 minutes, getting outside helped me release the day and return to my body. I didn’t overthink it. Just laced up my sneakers and went. Also, I had a built-in routine because I was walking a friend’s dog (Monday-Friday), so I still got moving even when I wasn’t in the mood. It became a quiet, consistent way to clear my head without needing motivation.

3. Better sleep through a nighttime reset

I upgraded my bedding and started a nighttime routine. A nighttime routine helped signal my body that it was time to wind down — no more late-night scrolling or jumping from one task to the next. I also started jotting down a few sentences in my journal before bed—nothing fancy — just a quick brain dump to release mental clutter and fall asleep faster.

4. Music as medicine

I created a calming playlist that felt like an exhale. Whether I was washing dishes or driving to class, those songs helped reset my nervous system. I also have a “feel good” playlist — upbeat tracks that instantly lift my mood. I can’t help but feel a little better after a few songs. It’s one of the fastest ways I know to shift my energy.

5. Saying no (without guilt)

It really is a complete sentence.

6. Unplugging for at least 20 minutes a day

Stepping away from my screen helped me reconnect with myself. Sometimes, that meant sitting on the balcony; other times, it meant folding laundry silently. Either way, it worked.

7. Decluttering one space at a time

Clearing off the kitchen counter or clearing out my emails gave me peace when life felt messy. It was a slight shift, but it reminded me I had some control.

Final Thoughts:

We don’t need a new life to feel better — just small steps honoring our place. Whether it’s a short walk, a good cry, or five minutes of deep breathing, it all counts. You deserve peace, too — not when everything is perfect, but right here, in the middle of your real life.

Thank you for being here. Leave your thoughts in the comment section below.

Why I Journal on Good Days (and how it helps me stay steady when life gets hard)

I started journaling when I was seven or eight. I remember begging my mom for a shiny pink diary with a gold lock while we were at Kmart.

It was five dollars, and I wanted it so badly.

I mostly wrote about food (haha) and my activities at school.

Then I hid it under my mattress, as if it held all the secrets in the world (good times).

It wasn’t consistent back then, and it wasn’t deep. But looking back, it was the beginning of something I would return to again and again, especially in the hard seasons.

Fast forward to now: I journal every single day.

Long form in the morning, quick and to the point at night.

But here's the thing I want to tell you — I don’t just journal when things feel heavy.

I journal even when life feels good.

My Morning Journaling Practice

Most mornings, I write during the first hour of my workday. No distractions. Just me and the page.

I freewrite whatever is on my mind (good or bad), jot down a few lists, and write my daily affirmation. It’s not a ritual I force. It’s a rhythm I return to.

Then, on my lunch break, I usually write again. I sit in the courtyard and let my thoughts settle. Sometimes I process something that is bothering me.

Other times, I find clarity or come up with a solution I couldn’t see earlier.

The writing itself is what helps me move through it.

My Nighttime Brain Dump

At night, I grab my journal. Yes, I use a real one.

A thirty notebook because, well… this writing thing is serious to me.

I dump the emotions.
Set my intention for tomorrow.
Maybe write an affirmation or two.

It’s short and freeing — like clearing the counter before bed so my brain doesn’t feel cluttered in the morning.

Journaling on Good Days Matters Too

Here’s what I know now:
Because I write on the good days, I can handle the hard ones with more grace.

The habit is already in place. The space is already there.
So when the emotions get heavier or the anxiety kicks up, I don’t have to start from scratch.
I just keep writing.

That’s why I always say, don’t wait until life falls apart to pick up the pen.

Write when it’s light.
Write when it’s steady.
Celebrate the good, too.

Want a little help getting started?

I created a free guide called Speak Life to support your journaling rhythm.

It includes affirmations for wellness, financial peace, purpose, and creativity, plus a bonus reflection prompt to go deeper each day.

Download the free guide here
(Instant download. No fluff. No pressure. Just support.)

My Favorite Journaling Tools

Here’s what I personally use and love to make my journaling routine something I look forward to — not a chore.

• A quality journal I actually enjoy writing in
  I pay about $30 for mine. A little pricey, but worth it because it signals to my brain that my thoughts matter.
  I enjoy thick paper and a sturdy cover (I bang shit up lol).

• Pens I love using
  Believe it or not, I usually love the cheap marketing pens I receive at events, or the set my coworker bought me a while ago.

• A quiet space (even for five minutes)
  This isn’t about having a Pinterest or Instagram-worthy desk.
  It’s just a quiet corner on my lunch break or sitting in my parked car before work.
  What matters is that it feels like mine.

Whether your day feels light or heavy, your journal can hold it all.
You don’t have to carry it alone.
—Monique

Thank you for being here!