Coming Back to YouTube (Even Though It Scares Me)
“I’ve got a seed in the ground, I’ve got a seed in the ground.”
There’s something about YouTube that still gives me a sense of unease.
I started blogging at the beginning of 2011.
A few months later, my cousin suggested I start a YouTube channel because she liked the food I was making.
That was mid-2011. I created the account and then let it sit for a while because I was scared to take that next step.
Eventually, I started posting. Over time, I recorded more than 100 videos, partnered with various brands, and built a platform that generated revenue.
The truth is, the money wasn’t consistent enough. My ex-husband paid most of the bills during that time. I used the money I earned to cover expenses such as groceries and clothes for the kids.
From the outside, it looked seamless.
Behind the scenes, I was overwhelmed and burnt out.
And eventually, I stepped away for several years.
The Comeback
Earlier this year, I gave YouTube another try. I posted a couple of videos and felt excited to be back. But life hit hard. Managing my mood disorder and caring for my oldest son during a difficult time pulled more energy from me than I expected.
I found myself right back in survival mode.
Since coming back online over the last few months, I’ve felt more at home in writing. Blog posts, email newsletters, and journaling have become easier to navigate as I work through some significant emotional and financial adjustments.
However, if I want to grow the kind of business that supports my life financially, creatively, and with purpose, YouTube still matters.
Not for vanity metrics.
Not to go viral.
But to connect.
To share in a way that lands.
To build something that doesn't rely on social media trends or burnout cycles.
So here I am.
Coming back, ready or not, on May 25th.
And this time, I’m keeping it simple.
I’m going back to what worked in the beginning by sharing my real life as I live it.
I’ll take you with me as I pay off debt, rebuild my business, and step into the woman I was always meant to be. This isn’t about performing or proving anything.
It’s about documenting the truth of what it looks like to start over with clarity, care, and consistency.
I’m doing it differently this time.
I’m not chasing perfection or trying to make up for lost time. I’m showing up as the woman I am today. I’m 43, rebuilding, and staying grounded in what matters most.
I’ve already filmed my return video, and I’m planning several weeks of content.
I’m using real systems this time, including shot lists and intentional scheduling, to support my energy instead of working against it.
Because here’s what I know now:
Being inconsistent didn’t mean I was lazy.
It meant I needed a better system and more support.
So, if YouTube feels scary for you, too, and you’ve been holding back because you don’t feel ready?
I see you.
You don’t have to be fearless to begin.
You just have to begin.
