This Time Feels Different (Sobriety Update)

I’ve taken breaks from alcohol before. Thirty days here, a couple of months there.

I even made it to three months once.

But this time feels different.

In the past, when I took a break from drinking, I usually felt energized and a little proud of myself.

I would tell myself, “See? I don’t really have a drinking problem. I can stop whenever I want.” And after a few weeks or months, I would go back to old patterns.

It wasn’t a real change. It was more like a reset to prove a point to myself.

This time, I’m not doing it to prove anything. I’m doing it because I want to heal.
And that shift has made everything feel more intense.

Why I Decided to Stop Drinking

• I want to take care of my brain, my heart, and my body.
  I’ve read the research and am aware of the risks. I don’t want to live with fear around things like dementia and memory loss when I know there are steps I can take right now to protect my future.

• I also want to be more present.
  For too long, I have either been drinking or recovering from drinking. I would miss little moments or feel disconnected from people I love. I don’t want to keep living like that. I want to feel grounded and clear enough to enjoy my life while it’s happening.

• I want to grow my business.
  There’s no way I can build something sustainable if I’m pouring wine every night just to unwind. I want to build something meaningful, and I can’t do that from a foggy place.

Why This Round Has Been Harder

This time, I am not just skipping drinks. I am facing feelings.
Cravings hit harder. Emotions feel more intense. I have cried in the shower. I have sat with memories I thought I buried. I have faced moments of regret that I would have usually drowned in wine.

Additionally, I have felt bored.
Alcohol was part of my routine. It filled space. Now that I have taken it away, there is this weird silence. I used to get off work, grab wine, run errands, come home, and sip until bedtime. That was just how I operated.

Without it, I had to ask myself what to do with all that time.

And the answer?
I am learning as I go.

What’s Been Helping Me Stay Grounded

These new habits have helped me replace the old ones:

• Therapy. Talking it out every week gives me perspective and support.

• Adult coloring books and word searches. They help quiet my brain.

• Kombucha or hot tea at night. I still sip something in a wine glass, but now it supports me instead of numbing me.

• Walks by the river. Especially barefoot. Being near water gives me peace.

• Journaling. I have always loved to write, but now I am doing it with more intention.

• Gratitude. Every morning I write down three things I am thankful for.

• TV breaks. I’ve been rewatching Scandal. And yes, Olivia Pope might need to put down the wine, too.

None of these things is magic.

But together, they help me stay connected to myself, rather than falling back into habits that hurt me.

50 Days In

As I write this, I’m 50 days sober.
The good news is that I do feel better. It didn’t happen overnight. I didn’t hit day 10 and suddenly feel clear and calm.

But slowly, things have shifted. I feel lighter. Less foggy.

I am not doing this perfectly. I don’t have it all figured out.
I am not numbing anymore. I am actually feeling. And that’s the win.

If You’re In This Season Too

If you’re also thinking about taking a break from drinking... or you’re already doing it and wondering why it feels so hard... I want you to know you’re not alone.

Just because something feels hard doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
Sometimes, the mess is part of the healing process.
Sometimes, not numbing yourself with alcohol is the actual work.

If this resonates with you, I would love to hear your story.

Please feel free to leave a comment or message me.

We do not have to walk through this alone.