Why I Finally Stopped Drinking (17 days sober)

I filmed a video recently during my lunch break. It wasn’t planned. I just sat outside and started talking about what it’s been like to be 17 days sober.

For years, I drank wine daily. Every night felt like a reward or a reset or a way to quiet my mind — until it became the thing running my life.

I wasn’t blacking out or falling down, but I also wasn’t really present.

I wasn’t reaching my goals.

I wasn’t showing up fully for the people I love.

I was spending too much money and losing too many weekends to naps, noise, and numbness.

The truth is, alcohol was costing me my future, and I had to stop pretending it wasn’t.

I’ve quit before. I once made it to 90 days. But then came a social event, and I convinced myself I could drink in moderation. It didn’t take long before that turned into daily drinking again. This time, I’m not telling myself that story. I know now that moderation isn’t for me. And I’m finally okay with that.

These past 17 days have been uncomfortable. It’s uncomfortable because of the boredom. The quiet. The moments where I’d usually reach for a glass just to fill the space. I didn’t realize how much I had been using alcohol to numb stress, grief, anxiety, even restlessness.

Now it’s just me.

I’m facing it with my therapist. I’m writing through it in my journal, but it’s still scary.

Some of these emotions have been buried for years, and they don’t come out quietly.

Even so, I know I’m doing the right thing. I want to protect my brain. My body. My peace. This is about more than sobriety. It’s about healing — the kind I can actually feel.

I’ve started resetting my apartment and working on a new workout routine to help me sleep better. I’m not trying to be perfect. I’m just trying to show up in ways I never could when alcohol was in control.

If you’ve ever felt like drinking is holding you back, even when no one else seems to notice, you’re not alone.

There’s nothing weak about wanting to feel everything again. Even the hard stuff.

You can watch the full video here

One day at a time,
Monique